Family

Many people have a complex family structure. A structure which originates from marriages and divorces, where children are between the parties involved.

So is my family. My mother is with her third man and my father is with his third wife.
The 1st man of my mother is my father, her 2nd one died and the 3rd man was a soldier in the middle of the Srebrenica massacre in 1995. He left the army and does the work he likes. He's also divorced and he works to pay the maintenance allowance for his wife who refuses to work.

My father divorced my mother in 1978 and married another woman shortly after my mother remarried. Sadly after 5 years my father's marriage didn't work and I was in the middle of it. No fights however, only words. My father was irresponsible. They divorced and I stayed with my father. After weeks that didn't work out and I chose to stay with his 2nd wife. When I went to college I spoke him once. Later I phoned him a couple of times. In fact I phoned him 2 weeks ago to make sure that he was still alive.
His 3rd wife arrived shortly after. I never spoke to her.

This evening I brought myself a Suriname rice-beans-chicken dinner. I usually don't do that. When I wanted to eat the telephone rang. It was my mother. She never called so early so it must be something. I asked her if it was something serious because I wanted to eat. After dinner I would call her back.

I did so. She told me that my fathers wife called. I had to call her back. He isn't well. He had a stroke and his heart didn't work to long. He's kept in a coma now. His brains might have had less oxygen I think and as a consequence his lungs don't work now.

Why am I called now. Why isn't he wise enough to search for contact. I phoned him a couple of times. Now I am told that he can't stand disappointments... I'm a little disappointed in my father. He forgot his children not withstanding his disappointments sofar.
But can I say that, he is my father after all.

Free Abdullah al-Mansouri

Abdullah Al-Mansouri is a Dutch Citizen with Iranian roots.
He's imprisoned in Iran because he defends the civil rights of minorities in Iran.
Because of his work he's been given a royal order in name of our queen.
He's been jailed for over a year now, without an attorney of his own choice, juridical assistance, and without contact with a Dutch representative which was allowed in the first place.

This Dutchman might be sentenced to death because of being a defender of civil rights.
The Iranian Ambassador denies this sentence. Amnesty International insists on a fair trail.

I want you to help me and sign the letter at the bottom of this post. Please act now.
Hopefully you understand the urgency of acting.

Iran is sensitive for public opinion (which country isn't in these times? Libya, Syria, North Korea, Sudan, and other countries)

Your Excellency,

I am writing to you regarding the plight of Faleh Abdoullah Al-Mansouri who I understand has been detained for more then one year without any reason being given. Amnesty has been informed that Faleh Abdoullah Al-Mansouri has been brought into court without the assistance of a lawyer of his choice.
This appears to be in violation with the right to a fair trial and therefore against the Convention on Civil and Political Rights that Iran has ratified. I therefore appeal to you to look into this case urgently, with a view to releasing Faleh Abdoullah Al-Mansouri. Faleh Abdoullah Al-Mansouri should get immediate access to a lawyer of his choice, and receive any medical treatment he may require. Furthermore he should be allowed a Dutch representative to be present during the hearings. In no case should the death penalty be imposed.
Yours respectfully,

I signed it. See this link Sadly I couldn't get the english version of it.

The nightingale

The sound of a nightingale

Last week I received the periodical of my Wednesday cycle club.
The Nightingale riders are in the doldrums of winter the news says. The riders skate on ice, run (something completely different) or cycle on their ATB's small distances on unpaved ways. The news is that 2 active riders will start on Wednesday 1 pm for a ride of 50-70 kilometer (instead of 6 pm).
Some people will get through the winter.

Then I read about the time trial. I was 5th of 10 riders. Okay, now it's on paper. I read about a weekend in the Ardennes and received some links to sites about cycling in the mountains.

When I read the periodical again I read about keeping your line when riding in a group. At the end of the season 2 riders who crashed. My name was mentioned as one of the riders. Again it was stressed to keep your line.

Today the solar challenge in Australia started. That makes me dreaming of cycling from south to north Australia. Let's keep on dreaming.

Referendum

Yesterday we have had a referendum because we need a new mayor on January 1 2008.
A month ago an application-committee chose 2 applicant (out of 26 candidates) between the citizens could choose. 2 Members of the same party. Almost the same background in politics, both candidate mayor were not real people mayors.
They campaigned 3 weeks and couldn't get close to the people resulting in a polling rate of less than 10%!

My ill neighbor, this week on holiday, I suggested to vote for her. Well at least my polling station had 1 voter. I voted blank and made my comment on the voting bill, making my vote invalid. This could be an election in a single party state. It's a farce, a dictature of a committee who decides who can be voted for.

Don't fool citizens with elections which aren't democratic at all.

positiveness in the rotten world

When I read the stories, or blog of HNK and Najma 2 sisters from Iraq, I see the sadness in their eyes... If they could study in the Netherlands far away from the war.

Positive is that yesterday I cycled again for a while... I felt okay but my condition is far from good. The weather is great so I will go to the club at noon.

Yesterday I made a cool picture of a bicycle and I never want mine to be treated like that..

Take a look on my
photoblog for other pictures.

heartbreaking

My neighbor has bad news again: yesterday was told that if in a PET scan tumors are found in her kidneys there will be no operation. The good news is that today they started with feeding by a stomach tube. Hopefully she will gain weight so that the operation is possible. Next week she will have a short holiday on one of the Dutch islands. In the last 5 years she's never been on a holiday.

Result

Well the doctors told my neighbor what's wrong. A 9 centimeter (5 inch ?) tumor in her oesophagus, with several smaller tumors lower in the oesophagus. It was shocking Friday, just like 2 weeks ago when she heard it was cancer. Now she was told the procedure and what the doctors can do. First she has to gain weight, at least 10 kilograms. (from only 45 kilo's!!). Then a solution may be an operation to take away the tumor. It's an operation which asks much of the body. How do I react on her bad news? She realizes how bad her position is but doesn't want to think about her near future. First things first. Wednesday she has talks with a doctor who'll be important for her, if the will live or die, her faith is in his hands she told. I learned from my mother that I should not talk always about her bad situation. So I tried to change the subject a little to the election of a major for our city.

Now I write this down I feel how absurd this is. If a situation is hopeless you often can better say nothing, because anything you say might be painful. In the beginning I was speechless, but in fact I had a lot of question. I tried to talk about daily life; the election of a new city-major. about her love for history, Rome and the ancient caves where she has had lesson about the ancient Roman history. She told me about skeletons found which fascinates her.

How morbid can ordinary life be. She might not life through another year and here he talk about dead people. I really hope the best for her and everybody around her but I fear the worst. I won't tell her what I think, I'll try to be optimistic and will talk about daily life. That's what I can do.

The morbidness is that she sleeps, or tries to sleep, just one floor under me and that I live my life .... (my neighbor on my level doesn't even know what's going on).

Bill Clinton

At work I work with 2 male and 2 female colleagues. Well we are in one room. When the 2 ladies are outside the room inside often is a cacophony of sounds; my male colleagues can belch, burp or eructate on command and our flatulence is really good. But mind that the flatulence of an average elephant is enough input for my heater to get me through the winter warmly. And when we talk about sex, well Bill Clinton and his Monica-gate is the extended version.
But today the women bgan talking about a Dutch documentary about alteration of the vagina, the majora and minora labia. It seems quite frustrating having an "abnormal" vagina. Compared to models in the industry who are photo-shopped completely everything should be frustrating for an everyday woman.
These days are the days of less differences, some people make it no differences no matter what the costs are.

I started today's entry with a message of Mr. Clinton. It's sad that he's out of the heart of politics. But he still can put a finger on the right spot. He knows what matters and together with the 45th vice president Al Gore, he can make a difference.

Worries

At work everyhing is okay, that means for the time being. Our new teamleader is really good. She is keen and picks up the things that matter very quicky. After the 3 weeks she's in duty now, she dalayed talks my colleage and I had with another department. Something we didn't want on the short term. She gives me a feeling that she cares for her people.

2 weeks ago my neighbor has heard the result of a second opinion. For 2 years now she has difficulties with eating and digesting food. Even drinking is ard to do.
The result of the test was a slap in the face: cancer on the oesophagus.
The last 2 weeks were actually like before; She did a lot of tests. The results will be here this week I think. It´s not clear to me if the cancer is malicious.

dreaming being a writer

..........zei hij dat iedereen moest beseffen dat er destijds nog apartheid bestond. Het was op z'n hoogtepunt. Daarna vervolgde hij zijn verhaal.
‘We voeren dus de territoriale wateren van de Republiek Zuid Afrika binnen, tegelijkertijd kwamen er twee schepen aan, ze voeren op ons af. Het was de Zuid Afrikaanse kustwacht. Een aantal manschappen van een van die boten enterde ons en pakte de kapitein op. Heel raar alsof het de normaalste zaak van de wereld was, dagelijkse praktijk. We protesteerden niet eens. De stuurman had alleen een kort gesprek met een agent op die politieboot. Vanaf de andere boot werd een loods gestuurd die ons veilig de haven binnenloodste. Daar werden we aan de ketting gelegd.
De kapitein werd twee dagen vastgehouden voordat onze ambassade hem vrij kreeg. Hij werd beschuldigd van spionage, wat wij natuurlijk belachelijk vonden. Onze kapitein kwam uit Suriname en als dat de reden was voor zijn arrestatie dan was het goed mis met de republiek. Wij lagen dus aan de ketting, wat ons de gelegenheid bood Kaapstad te bezoeken.
Sommigen van ons bezochten de zwarte hoeren in het zeeliedenkwartier. Dat waren de types van laag allooi, dacht ik,' Zeeman glimlachte, ‘Ze waren niet getrouwd en op zoek naar vertier na bijna twee weken op een schip met zes man te hebben rondgedobberd. Ik was de jongste van de bemanning en wilde nog wat zien in de wereld. Toen had je nog idealen. Ook ik ging het centrum in, maar niet met de anderen mee. Ik bekeek de stad met mijn westerse ogen en zag een op ras gebaseerde samenleving. Nee, het was geen samenleving maar een afscheiding. Je had er verschillende groepen. Hoewel ze in de minderheid waren, overheersten de blanken. Daaronder stonden de Indiërs en mulatten en helemaal onderaan de ladder van dat feodale stelsel stond de zwarte bevolking.
Ik was benieuwd hoe de onderdrukten, die je het smerige werk zag opknappen, leefden, waar en hoe ze woonden. Tot dan toe had ik alleen maar de villa's van de rijke blanken in de stad gezien. Ik nam de taxi naar ‘a quarter where the black people live.' De chauffeur begreep me niet, of hij wilde me niet begrijpen. Uiteindelijk heb ik me naar het station laten brengen en zag daar veewagons, mèt mensen,' beklemtoonde Zeeman, ‘Ik vroeg aan iemand die uitstapte waar hij vandaan kwam. Helaas verstond ook hij mij niet.'

‘Die man sprak zeker Zulu?'
‘Nee Douwe, hij sprak Zuid-Afrikaans. Het leek wel oud Nederlands. Het was in ieder geval bijna Nederlands. Ik vroeg waar die man was ingestapt, waar hij woonde. Dat heb ik geweten. Drie uur rijden per trein. Drie uur in een veewagon, want dat was het. Hij werkte voor een blanke en onderhield de goede mans huis en tuin. Ik vroeg hem of er in de buurt een wijk was dat leek op zijn stad. Maar Kaapstad scheen een blanke stad te zijn. Je moest uren reizen om te weten hoe de gediscrimineerde bevolking leeft in townships, in krottenwijken buiten de stad.

Het station benauwde me, te veel ellende, te veel mensen. Ik nam een taxi terug naar de haven. Er zaten al drie anderen in de wagen. Ieder keurig in pak, een wit overhemd met een donkere stropdas en idem colbert. Ze schenen bij elkaar te horen en toen de wagen reed was ik zo vrij te vragen wat ze deden. Ze zeiden dat ze voor zaken in Kaapstad waren. Ze moesten naar de haven voor een ‘Dutch freighter'. Ik vroeg of ze de Botany Bay bedoelden. Dat was zo. Daarna vertelde ik wat er met de kapitein is gebeurd. Een van hen gaf direct aan de chauffeur door in het centrum te stoppen. Ze zeiden ontzettend blij te zijn mij te hebben ontmoet. Want als zij zich in de haven zouden vertonen, waren ze onherroepelijk gearresteerd.
Anderhalve dag later was de kapitein vrij. Je kon aan hem zien dat hij niet goed was behandeld. Ons schip was intussen door de stuurman in gereedheid gebracht uit te varen en we kregen de volgende dag toestemming te vertrekken,' Zeeman stak wederom een sigaret aan met de peuk van de oude, ‘De volgende avond bij het avondeten vertelde de kapitein dat het kantje boord was dat die ANC-jongens er lucht van hebben gekregen.' De asbak deed zijn dienst.......

The week revisited

Friday I came home after another day of work. I was really tired.
The Thursdaynight was a little bit to long I think. Today I don't feel well, a severe headache. It's like I've had an enormous blow against the head. But that's not true I just went to bed very late. Also this week has had many thing to think about. First the cancer of the child last Tuesday, second the change of work, the talks about the tender and the financial wishes ( will be continued next week) and 3rd my neighbor.

My neighbor has had her examination in the hospital. After having trouble with eating and swallowing food and even water for at least 2 years now. The family doctor didn't really help, as well as the hospital doctors who are concentrating on her lower stomach. That's why she fought the medical institution for her right for a second opinion

Not much later when I was in the telephone rang. It was my neighbor. She was really quick telling about her health. It's cancer. A bad one. And because she is now recognized as a cancer patient, there will be action as soon as possible. Well Friday, tiredness, I talked 30 minutes with her. (no infact she talked 29 minutes to me) She doesn't realize what that means at the moment she told me. Clinically she pointed me out it was her mistake not to take action when not long ago a doctor (dr. M.A.M.T. Verhagen) told her that it could be a mentally disorder. He didn't want to give her a second opinion.

Well last week sucks.

Work

Work; the day started with some sun on the horizon. I felt sharp and it took me little time to reach the office.

3 Of my colleagues were already there. The day promised much. So I sat behind my desk and told my co-worker about my thoughts the work I'm doing. I won't do this kind of work for another 4 years I told him. There must be a change. We have to enter the digitalized world totally and the next public tender is the next step to go to a complete digital financial administration.
After having said that, I finished my letter to my labour-union for some assistance in the change of work.

At 11 am my colleague and I had talks about the public offering procedure with Jaap (who knows a lot about software, and connecting systems) and Madeleine. (from Planning & Control, who is member of the tender-committee) Talking with each other it became clear that we could learn from each other. Also I have a feeling that our remarks to put some minimal requirements in the tender triggered one and another. But we have to otherwise we are lame ducks not be able to work on a digital financial administration.

When I saw Madeleine I had to think about the Portuguese Madeleine affair. What happened in Portugal?

At noon Jaap got a telephone call from home, his wife called and he expected it.
But when he came back after 5 minutes he was shocked "I've to go immediately"
When he sat down he told that his daughter has a malicious tumour on her knee.
She is only 11 years old.
I never know what to do (and what to say) when I hear such news.

At home I thought how deep the impact on the parents must be. Of course the child must be in shock too, but I think that children are survivors. I got a feeling that children accept the situation they are in but at the same time they will be opportunists in a positive way. If you think differently let me know.

About a Dutch girl and the FARC

Suddenly it was news in Colombia (South America). A Dutch girl, Tanja Nijmeijer, is fighting the government, a guerrilla in Colombia. What can I say, is she naive? Maybe she is but after 4 years in the jungle she must be a tough one. Yes, she is partly responsible for the killing of people by FARC and kidnapping of Ingrid Betancourt (opposition-leader).
It is sad to watch the media on television and internet, hear about her frustration and living dangerously on the edge and see that her mother went to a FARC camp (she can find it!) to visit her daughter.
Mothers do their utmost to bring their kids in safety. But sometimes it won't work.

If the mother of Tanja can find her then the Colombian national army and police will probably know where Ingrid Betancourt and other kidnapped people are.
When they dismantle the FARC I think it may destabilize Colombia. In the war on drug the US is one of Colombia's best friends. Without FARC this can change quickly. That's certainly no good news for the government.

On my way to Amsterdam

When I came back in my old town I came along this wall. This was last weekend. I took my camera with me on cycle tour which was a day return Utrecht-Amsterdam. Partly I followed the road between the canal and the railway on the video. The return was 102 kilometer by the way.

On my way to Amsterdam I had a lot to think over. At work really a lot is going on. Especially the spreading of rumors about my colleague's and my position leaving the department is something which interest me. But it's true between 3 months and a year I will be doing work in a different way. But which way, that is the question. The management who favours our transfer does mention the pros but doesn't speak about the contras of it. Being on the department means having short lines with the work-floor and having access to (not digitalized) information and people. Files cannot leave the department so for payments I have to be on the department. There is so much to say about it. As we have a new team-leader we first want to inform her about the progress in this transfer.

Today we had a trip with our department. Some kind of team-building without the coming team-leader. (what made the interim manager decide to plan it on his last day in office?) It was a ride with cars and in the meantime we had to do some tests as in a rally like Paris-Dakar. The cars we drove were Citroen 2CV's. Very nostalgic cars, but not really for me. After 10 kilometers I was sick and at the first stop I decided to to back home. I walked 4 k to a train-station and took the train back home. That happened at 2 pm. 10 Hours later I still felt sick.

 Two days ago I had this view from my window.

this week

This week I thought I would work without co-worker. But suddenly he appeared Tuesday at work. He postponed his holiday. At work some thing are going on. A colleague who worked on a temporary basis with us was suddenly fired by her coordinator. This is not done.
Next week my co-worker and I will have talks with the manager of the department where we might work in future. This manager wants to break the ice. I informed the Unions of what will happen and they told me to put everything on paper and to make sure that the works council knows about the alterations.
I will influence the job we're having now.

About this weekend: I'll make a long distance bike tour.
I'll leave at 7 am.
When I come back the weekend will almost be over.
So all of you enjoy your days.