Yesterday I was at a party of my mothers friend on behalf of his 65th birthday. In the Netherlands the age of 65 is the start of getting a state pension and employers pension. He still works for a postal services company.
At the party were some people I haven't seen for 15 years! One is 80 now and still eager to know everything what happens. The other is in her seventies and still cycles 5,000 kilometer a year.
In France they had strikes because of the proposal of Sarkouzy to postpone pension with 2 years. Normal pension will start at 63 in the new proposal.
In my newspaper a french woman, Hala Naoum Nehme(Politics, French university) says that according to others France is left oriented. Left because the strike-rate is high due to their conservatism to keep the social rights and their conservatism to the changing outside world.
France is left, according to them because of the French policy of protectionism and the hostile attitude of free trade and free market.
This cannot be left. This is conservatism, communism. France is ruled from Paris like a real centralized communistic country.
According to the woman above isn't true because the world in France changes too. The universities and Grand Écoles change the way the students are prepared for their work in society.
Education is internationalized and the French students come to universities abroad and other way round. That means that on the institutes English and German are also languages in which colleges are given. This makes France more accessible for foreigners. Also French students are obliged to study abroad for 1 year. Amazing.
It's strange that youngsters still are so conservative. Maybe it's a relic for the decades of protests, or did they have a revolution centuries ago that shocked the world?
Nehme concludes that future leaders of France know that the country needs to be reformed. This is in spite of the massive protests in the last weeks.
France got no way to turn back.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Crazy
Today I took a day off. First of all because my central heater had to be cleaned. The appointment was made in the afternoon so I had some time to do things I can't do at work. I wanted to call the last known laborer of the woman I want to get back in touch with.
I haven't seen her for more than 15 years now. I completely lost track of her while I knew her so well. She made me what I am partly. She was kind of mother for me. Call her a friend. 32 Years ago she came into my life and finally 17 later it was over. Due to myself I must say. I sometimes completely get fucked up with myself. If I'm crazy.
I called her former employer and finally spoke an ex colleague who knows the woman I'm looking for. That was emotional. I asked her how Fennie is doing. She hasn't spoken with her for a long time so she didn't know. But she will ask her to contact me. That's all she can do. But I felt happy that Fennie might get in touch. Let's hope for it.
I haven't seen her for more than 15 years now. I completely lost track of her while I knew her so well. She made me what I am partly. She was kind of mother for me. Call her a friend. 32 Years ago she came into my life and finally 17 later it was over. Due to myself I must say. I sometimes completely get fucked up with myself. If I'm crazy.
I called her former employer and finally spoke an ex colleague who knows the woman I'm looking for. That was emotional. I asked her how Fennie is doing. She hasn't spoken with her for a long time so she didn't know. But she will ask her to contact me. That's all she can do. But I felt happy that Fennie might get in touch. Let's hope for it.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
criticism
Arnon Grunberg is a Dutch writer living in New York. He wrote Tirza.
Tirza is also the name of the movie of he Dutch submission for the Academy Awards.
In this movie Johanna Ter Steege plays a role. It happens that the writer fell in love with her years ago but she left his love unanswered. Together they had an agreement to write a series monologues. It was cancelled however. He used the work in a small book and published it. Against the will of Johanna. That's why Johanna is angry.
"In a strange way," Arnon Grunberg said, "the unanswered love is honourable. Even her angriness, after all these years flatters me."
Arnon quoted Primo Levi, an Italian writer. Levi said,"The opposite of love is not hatred but regardless or indifference."
When I look at my own behaviour towards E. I can understand the quote above.
I love her, but it's an one way love. She doesn't. What can I do? Choose the other side of the spectrum of love? I try to marginalize what happened. I avoid her as much as possible. I answer telephone calls as strictly business like she does. It feels a little bit heartaching after 4 months.
The Works Council is going well. We have some discussion about whose task it is to tell our voters, the rank and file, how decisions (WC?) are made and which direction we are going. That means which direction the Director wants to go.
I agree with some accountability, but it's the Director who runs the business, not the WC.
We can only say this and that happened and we support the decision. How it will be executed is up to the Director and her staff.
I wrote an email to my WC-colleagues in which I said this all.
I also wrote an email about the jobs mobility. In a periodical I read that someone got a job from someone else whose job will be vacant because of retirement. They are not on the same department. I know them both but I never read about a vacancy. This rang a bell with me.
I took this case with me to last weeks meeting with the WC and made my point.
It hasn't much to do with the 2 persons concerned but with the whole idea, the concept of what the work of the WC is.
Tirza is also the name of the movie of he Dutch submission for the Academy Awards.
In this movie Johanna Ter Steege plays a role. It happens that the writer fell in love with her years ago but she left his love unanswered. Together they had an agreement to write a series monologues. It was cancelled however. He used the work in a small book and published it. Against the will of Johanna. That's why Johanna is angry.
"In a strange way," Arnon Grunberg said, "the unanswered love is honourable. Even her angriness, after all these years flatters me."
Arnon quoted Primo Levi, an Italian writer. Levi said,"The opposite of love is not hatred but regardless or indifference."
When I look at my own behaviour towards E. I can understand the quote above.
I love her, but it's an one way love. She doesn't. What can I do? Choose the other side of the spectrum of love? I try to marginalize what happened. I avoid her as much as possible. I answer telephone calls as strictly business like she does. It feels a little bit heartaching after 4 months.
The Works Council is going well. We have some discussion about whose task it is to tell our voters, the rank and file, how decisions (WC?) are made and which direction we are going. That means which direction the Director wants to go.
I agree with some accountability, but it's the Director who runs the business, not the WC.
We can only say this and that happened and we support the decision. How it will be executed is up to the Director and her staff.
I wrote an email to my WC-colleagues in which I said this all.
I also wrote an email about the jobs mobility. In a periodical I read that someone got a job from someone else whose job will be vacant because of retirement. They are not on the same department. I know them both but I never read about a vacancy. This rang a bell with me.
I took this case with me to last weeks meeting with the WC and made my point.
It hasn't much to do with the 2 persons concerned but with the whole idea, the concept of what the work of the WC is.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
the 12 headed monster
On the frontrow from the left Uri Rosenthal, Mark Rutte, queen Beatrix, Maxime Verhagen and Ivo Opstelten. The
This row is an example how politics work. The 2 men on the outside did the inquiries in the first stage and the second stage. They got a ministerpost for their work. The man left of the queen won the election. He becomes the new minister president. Right of the queen, the big loser of the election 4 months ago. He waited for his turn and is now vice minister president.
This is really outrageous. Wilders who makes this cabinet possible supports the hidden backroom politics giving jobs to men who made this possible (the outsiders on the row mentioned). The bad thing is the lack of transparancy in the formation proces.
The average age is high ( some say 63) maybe because of the reliability of the men.
There are 3 women, to please the emancipation lobby?
How long will this awkward structure last? I think it won't last it's whole term of 4 years. Some people say 6 months, others say 4 years.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Saturday, October 09, 2010
shakespeare
King Lear, Shakespeare, I know. Difficult? No, in fact it's not. I must say, Cordelia is like E. for me.
I read a book of Fernando Savater. It's a small philosophy about unbelief and doubt
What is not surrounded by uncertainty cannot be true (by Richard Feynman) is a nice saying because it says to ask questions if something is told to be true or the truth. Doubt on everything there is. Doubt on me being here or there. As far as you can know I'm just a ghost writing because know-one ever saw me actually write.
Today is the 70th birthday of John Lennon. Well, if people know your birthday, you must be important. He had some charism to give peace a chance.
I read a book of Fernando Savater. It's a small philosophy about unbelief and doubt
What is not surrounded by uncertainty cannot be true (by Richard Feynman) is a nice saying because it says to ask questions if something is told to be true or the truth. Doubt on everything there is. Doubt on me being here or there. As far as you can know I'm just a ghost writing because know-one ever saw me actually write.
Today is the 70th birthday of John Lennon. Well, if people know your birthday, you must be important. He had some charism to give peace a chance.
Sunday, October 03, 2010
crisis
Referring to the previous 2 posts, the Christian congress was emotional for many people. The minister of foreign affairs was even tearfully in his last speech to persuade the voters to vote yes for the agreement. He was one of the negotiators. It was in his personal interest that there was a huge yes, 68% is not enough to say it´s overwhelming. Something happened on the congress. Their party is still alive. The question is if they can get protest-votes back . The next election in March 2011 will be the next indication. The Christians are in crisis.
Today the weather was fine. Maybe the last day above the 20 degrees C. Again I didn't cycle. My whole hobby is in a crisis. What to do?
Today the weather was fine. Maybe the last day above the 20 degrees C. Again I didn't cycle. My whole hobby is in a crisis. What to do?
Saturday, October 02, 2010
congress
The congress of the Christian party has spoken. 68% in pro coalition with VVD and the party of Wilders.
2 Members of parliament voted against the proposal. They doubt what to do. I can understand these 2 people. When you have certain values than it's problematic to support a cabinet with a party which is against these values.
Next step is what the 2 people who lead the 32% inside the Christian party do.
This country will be divided by the political controversy about Islam.
Wilders talked for an hour in Berlin about his ideas. Ideas? Well only one idea. His party PVV is an one issue party. It's all about Islam. He now compares it with communism and national socialism. Insiders in Wilders' party call even socialism as the evil in politics.
And of course he made his followers in Berlin shiver from his views about the future. He plays his role as a prophet,
2 Members of parliament voted against the proposal. They doubt what to do. I can understand these 2 people. When you have certain values than it's problematic to support a cabinet with a party which is against these values.
Next step is what the 2 people who lead the 32% inside the Christian party do.
This country will be divided by the political controversy about Islam.
Wilders talked for an hour in Berlin about his ideas. Ideas? Well only one idea. His party PVV is an one issue party. It's all about Islam. He now compares it with communism and national socialism. Insiders in Wilders' party call even socialism as the evil in politics.
And of course he made his followers in Berlin shiver from his views about the future. He plays his role as a prophet,
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
agreement
After 111 days the negotiators made a compromise how to govern Holland. Now the Christian party has to agree upon the compromise.
Sad day for us, beautiful day for the followers of politics. It's gonna be a slap stick, a show, something to follow from a distance to see the mistakes made.
In the last 100 days people not belonging to the inner circle of the negotiators and party members didn't get any information about what's going to happen. Public opinion was on a holiday because there was hardly any detailed news about what was happening. These were the closed doors, the backroom politics Wilders talked about. Now he's part of it. Never talk again about these backroom politics, mister Wilders!
The parties of this minority in parliament has to approve the agreement. This is a slap in the face of democracy. A minority rules Holland. A minority decides on the faith of the nation.
It might be cancelled however a name for the next cabinet will be Rutte-Verhage. Are these 2 courageous and overconfident men the henchmen of the wizard of the political right wing?
Who knows, the agreement is not yet public and the parties didn't judge it. Saturday everything will be clarified. There is an opera about these political exciting days.... the tenors, alts just sing Yes, yes, No, Yes, no, no. Movies could also be made out of this comedy of political life.
I hear disapproving voices about the in political situation in the Works Council, on the work-floor. I only heard one voter for Wilders. I don't understand why these people disapprove the attitude of the voters for Wilders. The municipality has to accept that there will be cuts in public spending. So we got to take advantage of the negative news. This must not be a threat.
Sad day for us, beautiful day for the followers of politics. It's gonna be a slap stick, a show, something to follow from a distance to see the mistakes made.
In the last 100 days people not belonging to the inner circle of the negotiators and party members didn't get any information about what's going to happen. Public opinion was on a holiday because there was hardly any detailed news about what was happening. These were the closed doors, the backroom politics Wilders talked about. Now he's part of it. Never talk again about these backroom politics, mister Wilders!
The parties of this minority in parliament has to approve the agreement. This is a slap in the face of democracy. A minority rules Holland. A minority decides on the faith of the nation.
It might be cancelled however a name for the next cabinet will be Rutte-Verhage. Are these 2 courageous and overconfident men the henchmen of the wizard of the political right wing?
Who knows, the agreement is not yet public and the parties didn't judge it. Saturday everything will be clarified. There is an opera about these political exciting days.... the tenors, alts just sing Yes, yes, No, Yes, no, no. Movies could also be made out of this comedy of political life.
I hear disapproving voices about the in political situation in the Works Council, on the work-floor. I only heard one voter for Wilders. I don't understand why these people disapprove the attitude of the voters for Wilders. The municipality has to accept that there will be cuts in public spending. So we got to take advantage of the negative news. This must not be a threat.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
flowers
Some days are just perfect because at the end of the day it all seems to be so advantageous.
My day was good because it started slow (like slow food you got to take time to prepare the food). I had an appointment with my mental trainer/ coach or whatever you call him, in the morning. We had a good talk about assholes in life (traffic, work, daily life) because of the book I read, talked about 2 incidents and how I reacted on it. I try to use the theory I called the 4 G's theory. (REBT of A. Ellis) in these cases more or less and it works.
It's not that I practice the theory intentionally. When I think of the situation afterwards or discuss it than I conclude that there is a REBT in it.
I told about E. whom I fell in love with and about wanting to work on another department, doing different things. I'm working under my level for years now. That's another story. In the next weeks I got to find out what the ideal job for me looks like. After that I can arrange a conversation with my team-leader about more inciting work.
After this session I cycled back to work and felt better than a week ago. Again 21 kilometers, now without difficulty.
At work it was silent.Only 5 colleagues. And after 3 pm there were 3 of us.
Fantastic. No disturbance, no unnecessary incentives.
Yesterday 29 years back Mr Joe Black didn´t get me. Great how life in 29 years evolves. So I´m happy that here I am so far. It could have been worse!
Thursday, September 23, 2010
explosive
I started to read something about the society I live in. For foreigners the Netherlands seems to be not the perfect place to live in.
We are degenerated to a society of assholes. Just ordinary people like my colleagues and I.
Yeah ME, that's the reason I read the lecture about sociology/psychology in relation with society. The book tries to explain where the Dutch dissatisfaction comes from. It tries to explain to the reader why we are satisfied in our personal life but short tempered in society. People have a happy family but going to work they have to face many obstacles. They become explosive devices.
We are degenerated to a society of assholes. Just ordinary people like my colleagues and I.
Yeah ME, that's the reason I read the lecture about sociology/psychology in relation with society. The book tries to explain where the Dutch dissatisfaction comes from. It tries to explain to the reader why we are satisfied in our personal life but short tempered in society. People have a happy family but going to work they have to face many obstacles. They become explosive devices.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
c*mm*n*c*t**n
We had the State of the Union yesterday. The so called Prinsjesdag
On this day the queen had her speech from the Throne.
In this speech the plans of the Cabinet were unfolded. Sad news because the Netherlands has to cut expenses drastically. It will hurt people's spending power. Some more, others less. Of course they take the easy targets first and that are the public spending on health-care, children care, inurement in our society of foreigners, people care, civil services and civil servants. In the next 4 years the expenses have to be cut with 18 trillion Euro!
The new cabinet isn't installed yet. The parties are still negotiating. Maybe the orthodox Christian right wing with 2 seats in parliament will support the new cabinet. It's a rumor. I thought of it and wrote about earlier.
As I am in the civil service I'm supposed not to like it. Do I? No not really. I like a better leaner civil service. That means a smaller one. We need to do the same with less means, meaning a more effective service.
Management has to monitor work-processes more closely. Management has to be on the job when real important decisions have to be made. A unit-manager has more decision-power than just an advisor and the team-leader. In my unit they talk for more than a year about adjustment of the system - work on the department I worked for. Now it comes to an halt? Why didn't management intervene? Seems to be a case of bad communication.
In fact I once said in this blog that I don't like the word c*mm*n*c*t**n.
On this day the queen had her speech from the Throne.
In this speech the plans of the Cabinet were unfolded. Sad news because the Netherlands has to cut expenses drastically. It will hurt people's spending power. Some more, others less. Of course they take the easy targets first and that are the public spending on health-care, children care, inurement in our society of foreigners, people care, civil services and civil servants. In the next 4 years the expenses have to be cut with 18 trillion Euro!
The new cabinet isn't installed yet. The parties are still negotiating. Maybe the orthodox Christian right wing with 2 seats in parliament will support the new cabinet. It's a rumor. I thought of it and wrote about earlier.
As I am in the civil service I'm supposed not to like it. Do I? No not really. I like a better leaner civil service. That means a smaller one. We need to do the same with less means, meaning a more effective service.
Management has to monitor work-processes more closely. Management has to be on the job when real important decisions have to be made. A unit-manager has more decision-power than just an advisor and the team-leader. In my unit they talk for more than a year about adjustment of the system - work on the department I worked for. Now it comes to an halt? Why didn't management intervene? Seems to be a case of bad communication.
In fact I once said in this blog that I don't like the word c*mm*n*c*t**n.
Monday, September 20, 2010
insanity
I'm reading a book which I could have read for my high school book-list.
The tittle is Die Leiden des Jungen Werthers. Goethe is the author.
The book was written in 1770 as a series of letters from Werther to his brother/friend Wilhelm.
Werther went to the countryside, probably because he was stressed. He had to find himself again, his authenticity and passion for drawing and painting. There he was melancholic and sharp as well in observations and philosophical thoughts. For example about the relation between feelings and behavior.
After a few letters he fell in love with Lotte. Lotte was a woman I compare with the woman I call E. in this blog. No wonder that Werther fell in love with her.
Werther thought, hoped and knew that she loved him.
Problem was that she was the fiance of a certain Albert. Werther and Albert had no problems with each other. But Werther could forget his love to be answered.
In the letters he describes the process of almost 2 years until he was completely possessed by Lotte, the unanswered love. How it ends, is described on the backside of the book.
It's much like Dostoyewski's the Gambler in which the main character would jump into a ravine if she asked. He would do anything for her.
I bet Werther would do anything for Lotte too.
I said that I would do anything for E. too. However I'm not insane. (I told her once when she asked me something, I would do anything for her. She never asked me again.)
The tittle is Die Leiden des Jungen Werthers. Goethe is the author.
The book was written in 1770 as a series of letters from Werther to his brother/friend Wilhelm.
Werther went to the countryside, probably because he was stressed. He had to find himself again, his authenticity and passion for drawing and painting. There he was melancholic and sharp as well in observations and philosophical thoughts. For example about the relation between feelings and behavior.
After a few letters he fell in love with Lotte. Lotte was a woman I compare with the woman I call E. in this blog. No wonder that Werther fell in love with her.
Werther thought, hoped and knew that she loved him.
Problem was that she was the fiance of a certain Albert. Werther and Albert had no problems with each other. But Werther could forget his love to be answered.
In the letters he describes the process of almost 2 years until he was completely possessed by Lotte, the unanswered love. How it ends, is described on the backside of the book.
It's much like Dostoyewski's the Gambler in which the main character would jump into a ravine if she asked. He would do anything for her.
I bet Werther would do anything for Lotte too.
I said that I would do anything for E. too. However I'm not insane. (I told her once when she asked me something, I would do anything for her. She never asked me again.)
Saturday, September 18, 2010
emotions
This week I had a feeling being tested in life.
I told about the theory I learned from my mental trainer (4 G-theory).
This I learn(ed) because my emotions goes from 0 to 10 very rapidly.
These emotions could be everything, from being afraid to being very angry and I should control them.
Well, in daily life I had 2 opportunities to test it.
The first opportunity was a request to have a list of the colleagues of my old department I still work with. I know there is a digitalized list with also the weekly schedules and telephone numbers of appr. 40 colleagues.
I think it's normal that this information can be given to colleagues who have close contacts. In my opinion this information should be even in the address book in Outlook. In fact all kinds of information should be accessible for employees.
The answer I got was that it wasn't necessary because: 1 I should have no contacts with them directly; 2 the list of colleagues changes constantly.
I couldn't get a worse excuse. Next Monday my coordinator will exchange views about this with my old department. It's just to silly to spend words on like in this paragraph. However it's an example of what gives a boost to my anger.
It's openness of information you know, for our citizens and employees of the municipality. If a Governmental body doesn't show openness can the Government expect that from their citizen? I can put it on paper and address it to the Works Council.
The second test was Friday, yesterday. I had an appointment with my mental trainer. I took my time to go to the address because it was raining cats and dogs. When I arrived I learned that my appointment was cancelled. They tried to reach me but I didn't answer the phone. I don't when I'm at work.
I was sweating because of the biking and an uncontrolled illness (I've been ill for a few weeks, still worked around though) and learned that my coach was ill. At first I was puzzled, didn't they phone me nor email me?
My anger grew. Then I was told that they couldn't reach me at home and they didn't have my email address.
But is my problem with angriness not really simple?
I just wanna speedup things.
faster.... watch this video
I told about the theory I learned from my mental trainer (4 G-theory).
This I learn(ed) because my emotions goes from 0 to 10 very rapidly.
These emotions could be everything, from being afraid to being very angry and I should control them.
Well, in daily life I had 2 opportunities to test it.
The first opportunity was a request to have a list of the colleagues of my old department I still work with. I know there is a digitalized list with also the weekly schedules and telephone numbers of appr. 40 colleagues.
I think it's normal that this information can be given to colleagues who have close contacts. In my opinion this information should be even in the address book in Outlook. In fact all kinds of information should be accessible for employees.
The answer I got was that it wasn't necessary because: 1 I should have no contacts with them directly; 2 the list of colleagues changes constantly.
I couldn't get a worse excuse. Next Monday my coordinator will exchange views about this with my old department. It's just to silly to spend words on like in this paragraph. However it's an example of what gives a boost to my anger.
It's openness of information you know, for our citizens and employees of the municipality. If a Governmental body doesn't show openness can the Government expect that from their citizen? I can put it on paper and address it to the Works Council.
The second test was Friday, yesterday. I had an appointment with my mental trainer. I took my time to go to the address because it was raining cats and dogs. When I arrived I learned that my appointment was cancelled. They tried to reach me but I didn't answer the phone. I don't when I'm at work.
I was sweating because of the biking and an uncontrolled illness (I've been ill for a few weeks, still worked around though) and learned that my coach was ill. At first I was puzzled, didn't they phone me nor email me?
My anger grew. Then I was told that they couldn't reach me at home and they didn't have my email address.
But is my problem with angriness not really simple?
I just wanna speedup things.
faster.... watch this video
Saturday, September 11, 2010
9-11
When I say... I am a Muslim
I'm not shouting
"Down with the Christians and Jews."
I am whispering, "I seek peace"
And Islam is the path that I choose.
When I say... I am a Muslim,
I speak of this with pride,
And confess that sometimes I stumble
And need Allah to be my guide.
When I say... I am a Muslim,
I know that makes me strong
And in those times when I am weak
I pray to Allah for strength to carry on.
When I say... I am a Muslim,
I not boasting of success,
I'm acknowledging that Allah has rescued me
And I cannot ever repay the debt.
When I say... I am a Muslim,
I'm not claiming to be perfect.
My flaw are indeed visible
But Allah forgives
Because his followers are worth it.
When I say... I am a Muslim,
It does not mean I will never feel pain.
I still have my share of heartaches
Which is why I invoke Allah's name.
When I say... I am a Muslim,
I do not wish to judge.
I have no such authority.
My duty is to submit
To Allah's all-encompassing love
I'm not shouting
"Down with the Christians and Jews."
I am whispering, "I seek peace"
And Islam is the path that I choose.
When I say... I am a Muslim,
I speak of this with pride,
And confess that sometimes I stumble
And need Allah to be my guide.
When I say... I am a Muslim,
I know that makes me strong
And in those times when I am weak
I pray to Allah for strength to carry on.
When I say... I am a Muslim,
I not boasting of success,
I'm acknowledging that Allah has rescued me
And I cannot ever repay the debt.
When I say... I am a Muslim,
I'm not claiming to be perfect.
My flaw are indeed visible
But Allah forgives
Because his followers are worth it.
When I say... I am a Muslim,
It does not mean I will never feel pain.
I still have my share of heartaches
Which is why I invoke Allah's name.
When I say... I am a Muslim,
I do not wish to judge.
I have no such authority.
My duty is to submit
To Allah's all-encompassing love
This poem Hadiya, aka Hnk, read in december 2004 before her book was published. If you replace Muslim with Christian and Allah with God then the poem still goes. Aren't all religions eventually based on the same universal love?
Isn't that what people need?
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