Johnny

Woke up at 7.30 am and I took a short time to get ready to take the train to the appointment I made with my mom.
When I arrived we chatted about the snow. She made her neighbor a compliment. He cleaned all the snow of the ice. The kids now have a nice icetrack.

After a cup of coffee she asked me about the dentist and I told her about it. She said that she doesn't see anything and asked if it gives me problems.
I told her what the problem is and what a solution can be.

Problem nr 2 was the bad dream. I told her about the fight, the quarrel and the words I heard when I was 7, 8 years old. She asked me who I did hear and I told I heard her. I´ve never dreamt in sounds and this was so weird and so obvious. I told that it was her voice, my mom. But it's not about the past I immediately told her. It's about the present. So let bygones be bygones.
This was emotional for her because she knows everything about the quarrels with my dad. My mom became defensive, which is a normal reaction of people, so I had to pull out the sting. I told her that it's all about the present and the future. The past is not involved, again, let bygones be bygones.

Problem nr 3 was a confession I made. It took me a long introduction by introducing her with the book of Jonathan Franzen and telling her a summary of the story. When I told her about the death of the assistant of Walter I broke, at least it was painful.
I told my mom that after attractive assistant died that Walter lived in a small world for 6 years.
Then I told her that I lost contact with Fennie in 1993. She didn´t know that. It probably explains a lot for her.

She said that she would help me if she could.
She helped by listening to what I told.

go Johnny
Thanks to Lalitha
and E. who told me
things
go Johnny
go for the Edelweiss
on the slopes of
Maslow´s mountain

Bring home
as a gift
the most precious thing
in life
love

smile

a girl standing here
not so different
than the rest
so much self esteem
so dynamic
and so direct

all these positive marks
lead to a negative one
so nosy and clever
so prominent
she gets tired
of herself

she is a pro
in the game
of making friends
that is her business as usual
to put a smile
on people's faces

the girl standing there
so different than the rest
so much self esteem
so dynamic
and so direct
she puts a smile on my face too

---------------------------

Adam Phillips explains psychoanalysis with reading poetry. According to Freud poetry came before psychoanalysis.

What is poetry?
What is it that poetry takes more energy than just a story?

Why don't I ask what psychoanalysis is?  Because the answer is there.

frogspawn

the bending climbing tree
kneeling to the ground
along the waterside
invited like an elephant
to climb in
and watch from it's back

in spring
the frogspawn
turn into tadpoles
catch them
and keep them alive
of course they will all die

in summertime
see large fishes
snapping at oxygen
from the air
try to catch one
and dad will butcher it

in late summer
break into a shed
on the other side
of the lake
and grab some stuff
mum will like

in autumn
before the rain
and storm
collect as much
chestnuts and acorn
mum will like again

in winter
sledging to the waterfront
trying the ice
getting wet and cold
hot chocolate
as a treat

king

around me space
everything and empty
earthly heaven is far away
I am nothing
of everything that is defenceless
the start of everything with value
but don't call me Sam
because I am the king of nothingness

3 minutes poem

the sun
mother of earth
warms earth
lets life be

you were out for sun
you love sun
it gives you life
and joy
your happiness
depends on her
it is her

it is a confession
to confessor
who she is
but hell
she does not know