funeral and plane crash

Last Friday family, friends and neighbors had the funeral of my neighbor. It was very emotional. I told my boss about it and she saw me dealing with my emotions. Maybe, she said, you should find yourself some help. I'm not quite ready to meet a shrink.
It's easy to tell another one what to do or what not to do.

My colleage is very lucky he survived the plane crash in Amsterdam. He's not the luckiest man because his wife is injured at the back side. I don't know much about her injuries. On the internet I saw a picture of my colleage (at the right, in the white T-shirt) being caterpillared to one of the ambulances.
Poor colleague, I wish him and his wife, aswell as the other victims lots of strenght.

the funeral

4 Days ago, it was Thursday, I called my sister. I asked her what she was planning for the Friday because the funeral would be on that day.
She didn't really know wether she would go. She's had her reasons not to go, as I've had.

I wrote some thoughts down and it crossed my mind that however I have done my utmost being there when he's dying I had to show that I'm stronger then he was. My sister came to the same conclusion Friday morning. So together we drove to the small village where he would be cremated

So I went to his funeral. Well, it was a last farewell. We asked to see him in private before the ceremony. The next 5 to 10 minutes were painfull. I came to the conclusion that he's dead when I saw him in his coffin. He didn't look very good, that was very painfull but when I saw a picture of him in his so called life I don't know anything about. I thought "okay he wanted that. He's much older from the days I knew him, but yes that's my dad". He realized a dream, but was it worth it? He finally lost more. He lost his family.

When I realized his death I had to cry, I couldn't control these sudden emotions. It was from the inside and because of him. I felt sorry for him, 62 years old; the last 24 years with heartproblems.