flowers

Friday September 24 was a successful day for me.
Some days are just perfect because at the end of the day it all seems to be so advantageous.
My day was good because it started slow (like slow food you got to take time to prepare the food). I had an appointment with my mental trainer/ coach or whatever you call him, in the morning. We had a good talk about assholes in life (traffic, work, daily life) because of the book I read, talked about 2 incidents and how I reacted on it. I try to use the theory I called the 4 G's theory. (REBT of A. Ellis) in these cases more or less and it works.
It's not that I practice the theory intentionally. When I think of the situation afterwards or discuss it than I conclude that there is a REBT in it.

I told about E. whom I fell in love with and about wanting to work on another department, doing different things. I'm working under my level for years now. That's another story. In the next weeks I got to find out what the ideal job for me looks like. After that I can arrange a conversation with my team-leader about more inciting work.

After this session I cycled back to work and felt better than a week ago. Again 21 kilometers, now without difficulty.
At work it was silent.Only 5 colleagues. And after 3 pm there were 3 of us.
Fantastic. No disturbance, no unnecessary incentives.

Yesterday 29 years back Mr Joe Black didn´t get me. Great how life in 29 years evolves. So I´m happy that here I am so far. It could have been worse!

I don't IKRIP yet

With a couple of deceased people in a few years time for me personally and knowing that many of my blog visitors lost close people too an exhibition drew my attention. We all die in the end. But when the end is now, there will be know one to look after my blog to say I'm gone. It's feels the anonymeous blog has become a part of my real world. This is where

I was actually looking for the -IKRIP- site I found this video.

200 years after Darwin

This evening I cycled back home and came along the hospice were my neighbor would end her life. Two bicycles were parked close to the entrance. It was too busy to visit her I thought.
I already called my neighbor last Friday and she looked in her agenda and said that she also had time on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday or Friday. She was a bit confused. She probably didn't know that it was Friday.

Tonight at 6.30 pm I was busy making diner when the doorbell rang. It was my other neighbor. She told me my neighbor died this morning. Luckily without any extra pain. She died in her sleep. She had some shots morphine though to kill the pain. At 7.30am CET this morning, 16 February, she passed away.

The sad thing is that she had some anxiety on the night before she died. She called 911 and told there was a dead body in the basement and that she would be next. So Sunday night the police stood at the doorstep of the hospice.
The door was opened by the night watcher and than it appeared to be the address were people die.

Today she's layed in the coffin which was immediately closed. She wanted that.
The last dead person I saw was my father in November 2007. I tell you, then people are used not to say a word.

Some time ago we talked about death and she described the afterlife, where she believes in, as a journey where you don't know where you go. It's not like a cash & carry journey which can be composed in travel stores. Where you know where you go. This is completely different. She doesn't know she told. It's more like the Charles Darwin his Journey on the Beagle.

For me the last 30 minutes with her were the best. Every minute was worth it. Of course after that I telephoned her. That were also very expensive minutes about her travels and the Journey of Darwin to the Galapagos Island, the Beagle, India, Mumbai.

More that 4 years suffering. I respect her toughness, but I hope she now make the journey of her life starting on 16 February 2009 (exactly 200 years and 4 days after Darwin's birth).

Respect Jeanette!

World Press

It wasn't a good year according to the organiser of the annual press photography contest. Judge yourself....

Watch these pictures.

the funeral

4 Days ago, it was Thursday, I called my sister. I asked her what she was planning for the Friday because the funeral would be on that day.
She didn't really know wether she would go. She's had her reasons not to go, as I've had.

I wrote some thoughts down and it crossed my mind that however I have done my utmost being there when he's dying I had to show that I'm stronger then he was. My sister came to the same conclusion Friday morning. So together we drove to the small village where he would be cremated

So I went to his funeral. Well, it was a last farewell. We asked to see him in private before the ceremony. The next 5 to 10 minutes were painfull. I came to the conclusion that he's dead when I saw him in his coffin. He didn't look very good, that was very painfull but when I saw a picture of him in his so called life I don't know anything about. I thought "okay he wanted that. He's much older from the days I knew him, but yes that's my dad". He realized a dream, but was it worth it? He finally lost more. He lost his family.

When I realized his death I had to cry, I couldn't control these sudden emotions. It was from the inside and because of him. I felt sorry for him, 62 years old; the last 24 years with heartproblems.