Result

Well the doctors told my neighbor what's wrong. A 9 centimeter (5 inch ?) tumor in her oesophagus, with several smaller tumors lower in the oesophagus. It was shocking Friday, just like 2 weeks ago when she heard it was cancer. Now she was told the procedure and what the doctors can do. First she has to gain weight, at least 10 kilograms. (from only 45 kilo's!!). Then a solution may be an operation to take away the tumor. It's an operation which asks much of the body. How do I react on her bad news? She realizes how bad her position is but doesn't want to think about her near future. First things first. Wednesday she has talks with a doctor who'll be important for her, if the will live or die, her faith is in his hands she told. I learned from my mother that I should not talk always about her bad situation. So I tried to change the subject a little to the election of a major for our city.

Now I write this down I feel how absurd this is. If a situation is hopeless you often can better say nothing, because anything you say might be painful. In the beginning I was speechless, but in fact I had a lot of question. I tried to talk about daily life; the election of a new city-major. about her love for history, Rome and the ancient caves where she has had lesson about the ancient Roman history. She told me about skeletons found which fascinates her.

How morbid can ordinary life be. She might not life through another year and here he talk about dead people. I really hope the best for her and everybody around her but I fear the worst. I won't tell her what I think, I'll try to be optimistic and will talk about daily life. That's what I can do.

The morbidness is that she sleeps, or tries to sleep, just one floor under me and that I live my life .... (my neighbor on my level doesn't even know what's going on).

Bill Clinton

At work I work with 2 male and 2 female colleagues. Well we are in one room. When the 2 ladies are outside the room inside often is a cacophony of sounds; my male colleagues can belch, burp or eructate on command and our flatulence is really good. But mind that the flatulence of an average elephant is enough input for my heater to get me through the winter warmly. And when we talk about sex, well Bill Clinton and his Monica-gate is the extended version.
But today the women bgan talking about a Dutch documentary about alteration of the vagina, the majora and minora labia. It seems quite frustrating having an "abnormal" vagina. Compared to models in the industry who are photo-shopped completely everything should be frustrating for an everyday woman.
These days are the days of less differences, some people make it no differences no matter what the costs are.

I started today's entry with a message of Mr. Clinton. It's sad that he's out of the heart of politics. But he still can put a finger on the right spot. He knows what matters and together with the 45th vice president Al Gore, he can make a difference.

Worries

At work everyhing is okay, that means for the time being. Our new teamleader is really good. She is keen and picks up the things that matter very quicky. After the 3 weeks she's in duty now, she dalayed talks my colleage and I had with another department. Something we didn't want on the short term. She gives me a feeling that she cares for her people.

2 weeks ago my neighbor has heard the result of a second opinion. For 2 years now she has difficulties with eating and digesting food. Even drinking is ard to do.
The result of the test was a slap in the face: cancer on the oesophagus.
The last 2 weeks were actually like before; She did a lot of tests. The results will be here this week I think. It´s not clear to me if the cancer is malicious.

dreaming being a writer

..........zei hij dat iedereen moest beseffen dat er destijds nog apartheid bestond. Het was op z'n hoogtepunt. Daarna vervolgde hij zijn verhaal.
‘We voeren dus de territoriale wateren van de Republiek Zuid Afrika binnen, tegelijkertijd kwamen er twee schepen aan, ze voeren op ons af. Het was de Zuid Afrikaanse kustwacht. Een aantal manschappen van een van die boten enterde ons en pakte de kapitein op. Heel raar alsof het de normaalste zaak van de wereld was, dagelijkse praktijk. We protesteerden niet eens. De stuurman had alleen een kort gesprek met een agent op die politieboot. Vanaf de andere boot werd een loods gestuurd die ons veilig de haven binnenloodste. Daar werden we aan de ketting gelegd.
De kapitein werd twee dagen vastgehouden voordat onze ambassade hem vrij kreeg. Hij werd beschuldigd van spionage, wat wij natuurlijk belachelijk vonden. Onze kapitein kwam uit Suriname en als dat de reden was voor zijn arrestatie dan was het goed mis met de republiek. Wij lagen dus aan de ketting, wat ons de gelegenheid bood Kaapstad te bezoeken.
Sommigen van ons bezochten de zwarte hoeren in het zeeliedenkwartier. Dat waren de types van laag allooi, dacht ik,' Zeeman glimlachte, ‘Ze waren niet getrouwd en op zoek naar vertier na bijna twee weken op een schip met zes man te hebben rondgedobberd. Ik was de jongste van de bemanning en wilde nog wat zien in de wereld. Toen had je nog idealen. Ook ik ging het centrum in, maar niet met de anderen mee. Ik bekeek de stad met mijn westerse ogen en zag een op ras gebaseerde samenleving. Nee, het was geen samenleving maar een afscheiding. Je had er verschillende groepen. Hoewel ze in de minderheid waren, overheersten de blanken. Daaronder stonden de Indiërs en mulatten en helemaal onderaan de ladder van dat feodale stelsel stond de zwarte bevolking.
Ik was benieuwd hoe de onderdrukten, die je het smerige werk zag opknappen, leefden, waar en hoe ze woonden. Tot dan toe had ik alleen maar de villa's van de rijke blanken in de stad gezien. Ik nam de taxi naar ‘a quarter where the black people live.' De chauffeur begreep me niet, of hij wilde me niet begrijpen. Uiteindelijk heb ik me naar het station laten brengen en zag daar veewagons, mèt mensen,' beklemtoonde Zeeman, ‘Ik vroeg aan iemand die uitstapte waar hij vandaan kwam. Helaas verstond ook hij mij niet.'

‘Die man sprak zeker Zulu?'
‘Nee Douwe, hij sprak Zuid-Afrikaans. Het leek wel oud Nederlands. Het was in ieder geval bijna Nederlands. Ik vroeg waar die man was ingestapt, waar hij woonde. Dat heb ik geweten. Drie uur rijden per trein. Drie uur in een veewagon, want dat was het. Hij werkte voor een blanke en onderhield de goede mans huis en tuin. Ik vroeg hem of er in de buurt een wijk was dat leek op zijn stad. Maar Kaapstad scheen een blanke stad te zijn. Je moest uren reizen om te weten hoe de gediscrimineerde bevolking leeft in townships, in krottenwijken buiten de stad.

Het station benauwde me, te veel ellende, te veel mensen. Ik nam een taxi terug naar de haven. Er zaten al drie anderen in de wagen. Ieder keurig in pak, een wit overhemd met een donkere stropdas en idem colbert. Ze schenen bij elkaar te horen en toen de wagen reed was ik zo vrij te vragen wat ze deden. Ze zeiden dat ze voor zaken in Kaapstad waren. Ze moesten naar de haven voor een ‘Dutch freighter'. Ik vroeg of ze de Botany Bay bedoelden. Dat was zo. Daarna vertelde ik wat er met de kapitein is gebeurd. Een van hen gaf direct aan de chauffeur door in het centrum te stoppen. Ze zeiden ontzettend blij te zijn mij te hebben ontmoet. Want als zij zich in de haven zouden vertonen, waren ze onherroepelijk gearresteerd.
Anderhalve dag later was de kapitein vrij. Je kon aan hem zien dat hij niet goed was behandeld. Ons schip was intussen door de stuurman in gereedheid gebracht uit te varen en we kregen de volgende dag toestemming te vertrekken,' Zeeman stak wederom een sigaret aan met de peuk van de oude, ‘De volgende avond bij het avondeten vertelde de kapitein dat het kantje boord was dat die ANC-jongens er lucht van hebben gekregen.' De asbak deed zijn dienst.......

The week revisited

Friday I came home after another day of work. I was really tired.
The Thursdaynight was a little bit to long I think. Today I don't feel well, a severe headache. It's like I've had an enormous blow against the head. But that's not true I just went to bed very late. Also this week has had many thing to think about. First the cancer of the child last Tuesday, second the change of work, the talks about the tender and the financial wishes ( will be continued next week) and 3rd my neighbor.

My neighbor has had her examination in the hospital. After having trouble with eating and swallowing food and even water for at least 2 years now. The family doctor didn't really help, as well as the hospital doctors who are concentrating on her lower stomach. That's why she fought the medical institution for her right for a second opinion

Not much later when I was in the telephone rang. It was my neighbor. She was really quick telling about her health. It's cancer. A bad one. And because she is now recognized as a cancer patient, there will be action as soon as possible. Well Friday, tiredness, I talked 30 minutes with her. (no infact she talked 29 minutes to me) She doesn't realize what that means at the moment she told me. Clinically she pointed me out it was her mistake not to take action when not long ago a doctor (dr. M.A.M.T. Verhagen) told her that it could be a mentally disorder. He didn't want to give her a second opinion.

Well last week sucks.

Work

Work; the day started with some sun on the horizon. I felt sharp and it took me little time to reach the office.

3 Of my colleagues were already there. The day promised much. So I sat behind my desk and told my co-worker about my thoughts the work I'm doing. I won't do this kind of work for another 4 years I told him. There must be a change. We have to enter the digitalized world totally and the next public tender is the next step to go to a complete digital financial administration.
After having said that, I finished my letter to my labour-union for some assistance in the change of work.

At 11 am my colleague and I had talks about the public offering procedure with Jaap (who knows a lot about software, and connecting systems) and Madeleine. (from Planning & Control, who is member of the tender-committee) Talking with each other it became clear that we could learn from each other. Also I have a feeling that our remarks to put some minimal requirements in the tender triggered one and another. But we have to otherwise we are lame ducks not be able to work on a digital financial administration.

When I saw Madeleine I had to think about the Portuguese Madeleine affair. What happened in Portugal?

At noon Jaap got a telephone call from home, his wife called and he expected it.
But when he came back after 5 minutes he was shocked "I've to go immediately"
When he sat down he told that his daughter has a malicious tumour on her knee.
She is only 11 years old.
I never know what to do (and what to say) when I hear such news.

At home I thought how deep the impact on the parents must be. Of course the child must be in shock too, but I think that children are survivors. I got a feeling that children accept the situation they are in but at the same time they will be opportunists in a positive way. If you think differently let me know.

About a Dutch girl and the FARC

Suddenly it was news in Colombia (South America). A Dutch girl, Tanja Nijmeijer, is fighting the government, a guerrilla in Colombia. What can I say, is she naive? Maybe she is but after 4 years in the jungle she must be a tough one. Yes, she is partly responsible for the killing of people by FARC and kidnapping of Ingrid Betancourt (opposition-leader).
It is sad to watch the media on television and internet, hear about her frustration and living dangerously on the edge and see that her mother went to a FARC camp (she can find it!) to visit her daughter.
Mothers do their utmost to bring their kids in safety. But sometimes it won't work.

If the mother of Tanja can find her then the Colombian national army and police will probably know where Ingrid Betancourt and other kidnapped people are.
When they dismantle the FARC I think it may destabilize Colombia. In the war on drug the US is one of Colombia's best friends. Without FARC this can change quickly. That's certainly no good news for the government.