my wonder years

It's been a great day. I woke up early to have some time to cycle as the forecast was that in the morning there would be some sunshine. Maybe it's the first time in this young year to cycle in sunshine. Ha ha, my short term memory (< 1 year) is like good cheese; it got holes in it.
In the last working week I spent my lunch-break outside the office. My colleague and I walked through the neighborhood. Everything looks so different then. Normally I don't walk in other neighborhoods other than my own, especially not on a working day. I only cycle through other boroughs. I saw many houses for sale, some for a long time now, expensive ones and cheaper ones. In none I would like to live in.

I'm still looking for a new place. So was my new neighbor. I met her today "I'm your new neighbor" she said. She told me that he's got to paint the interior next week. That's what you do when you move into a new house.
Well, bon change!
She bought the house which I don't do, not my own house.

This week I analysed my behaviour concerning buying things, or even my house or another house.
I wonder if it has to do with the stress I had as a child loosing all his toys and relations built up in the child-years, in the wonder years, either by divorce (of parents) or removal.
I just know that one can easily loose everything he has. However from zero one can also build something up easily. Especially when there is time.
Am I afraid of loosing?

At work I was a kind of angry when my boss came to me with the question if I could explain something to her. It was something 2 colleagues asked me on a Friday. (So I had a weekend to think it over and build up the anger) I answered them the same day and my conclusion is that one colleague did something for which he's authorized, but apparently without knowledge. Murphy's law will be suitable then. You can wait till things go wrong. The other thing is a payment which went wrong. In this case the procedures have to be followed, they were not. Nevertheless the payment was mistaken.
Luckily the creditor has seen that and did the right thing in his opinion. Unfortunately he didn't inform my department till now.
Well, being a little bit angry is showing my responsibility for my job. Hopefully my boss interprets the same way.

One colleague I told about my concerns. The next day she asked me how I felt. Okay, I said, but how are you, how was your holiday I asked.
Holiday, she said, I'm planning again.
Where do you go? I asked.
Israel, she said, hopefully we fly El Al.
A colleague asked if she's Jewish then.
Yes, she said, but don´t tell anybody.
The colleague asked if her mother's too.
Yes, she said, but don´t tell anybody

In my life there are people who told me their secret.
Some of those I don´t remember
Other secrets I understand that it´s my secret as well
This secret is so weird.
It frightens me because is there so much to be scared for that one can't publicly be Jewish?