insanity

I'm reading a book which I could have read for my high school book-list.
The tittle is Die Leiden des Jungen Werthers. Goethe is the author.
The book was written in 1770 as a series of letters from Werther to his brother/friend Wilhelm.

Werther went to the countryside, probably because he was stressed. He had to find himself again, his authenticity and passion for drawing and painting. There he was melancholic and sharp as well in observations and philosophical thoughts. For example about the relation between feelings and behavior.
After a few letters he fell in love with Lotte. Lotte was a woman I compare with the woman I call E. in this blog. No wonder that Werther fell in love with her.
Werther thought, hoped and knew that she loved him.

Problem was that she was the fiance of a certain Albert. Werther and Albert had no problems with each other. But Werther could forget his love to be answered.
In the letters he describes the process of almost 2 years until he was completely possessed by Lotte, the unanswered love. How it ends, is described on the backside of the book.

It's much like Dostoyewski's the Gambler in which the main character would jump into a ravine if she asked. He would do anything for her.

I bet Werther would do anything for Lotte too.

I said that I would do anything for E. too.  However I'm not insane. (I told her once when she asked me something, I would do anything for her. She never asked me again.)

emotions

This week I had a feeling being tested in life.
I told about the theory I learned from my mental trainer (4 G-theory).
This I learn(ed) because my emotions goes from 0 to 10 very rapidly.
These emotions could be everything, from being afraid to being very angry and I should control them.

Well, in daily life I had 2 opportunities to test it.
The first opportunity was a request to have a list of the colleagues of my old department I still work with. I know there is a digitalized list with also the weekly schedules and telephone numbers of appr. 40 colleagues.
I think it's normal that this information can be given to colleagues who have close contacts. In my opinion this information should be even in the address book in Outlook. In fact all kinds of information should be accessible for employees.
The answer I got was that it wasn't necessary because: 1 I should have no contacts with them directly; 2 the list of colleagues changes constantly.
I couldn't get a worse excuse. Next Monday my coordinator will exchange views about this with my old department. It's just to silly to spend words on like in this paragraph. However it's an example of what gives a boost to my anger.

It's openness of information you know, for our citizens and employees of the municipality. If a Governmental body doesn't show openness can the Government expect that from their citizen? I can put it on paper and address it to the Works Council.

The second test was Friday, yesterday. I had an appointment with my mental trainer. I took my time to go to the address because it was raining cats and dogs. When I arrived I learned that my appointment was cancelled. They tried to reach me but I didn't answer the phone. I don't when I'm at work.
I was sweating because of the biking and an uncontrolled illness (I've been ill for a few weeks, still worked around though) and learned that my coach was ill. At first I was puzzled, didn't they phone me nor email me?
My anger grew. Then I was told that they couldn't reach me at home and they didn't have my email address.


But is my problem with angriness not really simple?
I just wanna speedup things.

faster.... watch this video

9-11

When I say... I am a Muslim
I'm not shouting
"Down with the Christians and Jews."
I am whispering, "I seek peace"
And Islam is the path that I choose.
When I say... I am a Muslim,
I speak of this with pride,
And confess that sometimes I stumble
And need Allah to be my guide.
When I say... I am a Muslim,
I know that makes me strong
And in those times when I am weak
I pray to Allah for strength to carry on.
When I say... I am a Muslim,
I not boasting of success,
I'm acknowledging that Allah has rescued me
And I cannot ever repay the debt.
When I say... I am a Muslim,
I'm not claiming to be perfect.
My flaw are indeed visible
But Allah forgives
Because his followers are worth it.
When I say... I am a Muslim,
It does not mean I will never feel pain.
I still have my share of heartaches
Which is why I invoke Allah's name.
When I say... I am a Muslim,
I do not wish to judge.
I have no such authority.
My duty is to submit
To Allah's all-encompassing love

This poem Hadiya, aka Hnk, read in december 2004 before her book was published. If you replace Muslim with Christian and Allah with God then the poem still goes. Aren't all religions eventually based on the same universal love?
Isn't that what people need?

dog-sledging

Climbing the Maslow mountain is indeed a climb with risks.
Getting tired, altitude disease, accidental fall, headache, aching muscles, dizziness. Then there are external factors such as traffic which makes this imaginary mountain huge.

The behavior theory says:
occurrence -> thought -> perception -> behaviour
Infact it's like economics.
If something happens then you have a thought about that which gives you a perception. This perception tells you how to behave.
Next step is to change the thought on an occurrence.
Is it a kind of crisis management?

It is a next step into the death zone.

Well another way to find some peace is buddhism or.....
watch this video...peace man

books

The 3 parties who cancelled the negotiations 2 times are talking again.
The party who sacrificed one of their negotiators goes back to the table to negotiate.
The informer can only warn the parties not fail another time.
It's now 3 months after the elections and nothing happened.
Wilders has a wild-card and he plays the card as someone who doesn't know the rules of the game. I think he gambles, like the the old Russian woman in Dostojevski's the Gambler. In the end she lost everything.
Why don't the political parties tell him the rules? Remind him what the rules are. Then we'll have slap sticks and Geert Wilders is the man in bonus.

On September 11 mr. Wilders will come to the 911 ceremony in NYC. He will speak there and will say probably something which is the opinion of himself and his movement. He does twitter as well. Today he twittered that the plan of a reference in Florida to burn the Koran is not a good plan.
Burning books is a symptom of the growing dissatisfaction among the natives. If you are going to burn books, there are so many books which could be burned. The environmentalists wil have a problem with book burning and not only them.

heart

Wilders is eating the confessional conservative heart out of the political nation. He is minimizing the conservative party. He's playing as a predator with his prey. It's funny to see how he sees politics. It's astonishing how the informer of the parties lets it all happen.
The confessionals are eager to govern the nation. They sacrificed the second negotiator as the well known lamb to please their God.

But in this confessional party there are also other religions present. Wilders is against their believe. At least in Holland. So he creates tension in society. We can't use that. It's a civilized world now but if we gonna expel people because of their religion or opinion it's not so friendly anymore.
Maybe he still lives in the past when his father was young. The seeds may be even sown back in an earlier past of his family. Read in Wikipedia some about Geert Wilders. It is intriguing.

Today it's September 7. This week real work started again. Meetings with the Works Council, with the director, courses to keep knowledge up to date.
The workload increases in my job but also on other departments. My old department has a shortage of employees. In the summer-period several chose to work elsewhere. From one person it is said that he could leave because he argues decisions of the team-leader. It is a sad story.

On the 16th my old department has planned a birthday party for those who had their birthday in the past year. It was told when we had a meeting with the former department. In the morning we just received a mail that my new department planned a trip with a dinner. A kind of teambuilding.
I'm not so keen on parties so these are planned well.

Another party is tonight, I wanna say happy 68th birthday to Fennie Brouwer. Fennie I send you my heart.

swarmdemocracy

Early this morning I heard a theory about starlings.
The number of starling that is necessary to make a swarm is the square root of the total number starlings. For a swarm of 1,000 starlings only 33 must have the same idea. These are social animals you know. You must have seen them on a rooftop, crowding in trees or on a high voltage cable above the ground.  In September, October they'll be grouping to make the flight south, to south Europe and Africa.

Humans act the same way. The guerilla marketing is based on the same principle. Only a relative small group of people make a complete population follow the large number. Often it works better than expensive advertisement campaigns. Some brands are ruined by the geurilla marketing.

Maybe the Dutch democracy is based upon the same principle. One party which got 1.5 million votes decides the faith of 16 million. It's a swarmdemocracy in the Netherlands nowadays.
A relative small group can decide. We saw it with Fortuyn and his legacy. We see it with Wilders this time. The other parties don't want to  miss contact with the mass who voted for him.
The other parties follow the small one.

Politics

It's almost 3 months ago when we had elections and still we don't have a new cabinet.
It's a bit complicated and the different parties are not quite honest to themselves, to the voters, to democracy and the rules we have in our democracy.
The game is played by amateurs: Wilders, Rutte and Verhagen. The leaders of the 3 parties which have a 1 seat mayority.
Now one party can't guarantee that all their members will vote in the line of the cabinet.
This is for Wilders a reason to quit negotiators.

In the Conservative party there are 3 member who can't go with the line set by the 3 negotiators.
Wilders want these 3 to sign a statement in which they promise to vote with the party.
This is forbidden in my country. Every Parlementarian should vote for themselves, what they think is wise. Not what the party thinks.
Wilders and his followers will be in the opposition and will criticize the new cabinet in every combination.

Paulus converted himself from a prosecutor of christians into a follower of Christ.  Can Wilders change himself? I don't think so.

Sallie

World Peace might come about if {we} blogged about it. More importantly it begins with a smile to a stranger, a kind word to another; consistently. A touch, a hug, ... a meaningful glance into a troubled eye. IF everyone helps and produces positive thoughts, even when it hard to do so... The World would turn differently. IF people only would try... and maybe be less-selfish. Negative War Blogs promote distruction even when they are against the distruction... just the thought/reality promotes. ~sad~ {Bravo... on this post, it is worth thinking about}

By Sallie on Blogging for peace on 30/07/06
 
I haven't heard from her since a long time. She needs a HUG.

smile

a girl standing here
not so different
than the rest
so much self esteem
so dynamic
and so direct

all these positive marks
lead to a negative one
so nosy and clever
so prominent
she gets tired
of herself

she is a pro
in the game
of making friends
that is her business as usual
to put a smile
on people's faces

the girl standing there
so different than the rest
so much self esteem
so dynamic
and so direct
she puts a smile on my face too

---------------------------

Adam Phillips explains psychoanalysis with reading poetry. According to Freud poetry came before psychoanalysis.

What is poetry?
What is it that poetry takes more energy than just a story?

Why don't I ask what psychoanalysis is?  Because the answer is there.

frogspawn

the bending climbing tree
kneeling to the ground
along the waterside
invited like an elephant
to climb in
and watch from it's back

in spring
the frogspawn
turn into tadpoles
catch them
and keep them alive
of course they will all die

in summertime
see large fishes
snapping at oxygen
from the air
try to catch one
and dad will butcher it

in late summer
break into a shed
on the other side
of the lake
and grab some stuff
mum will like

in autumn
before the rain
and storm
collect as much
chestnuts and acorn
mum will like again

in winter
sledging to the waterfront
trying the ice
getting wet and cold
hot chocolate
as a treat

Harvest

Time to enjoy a perfect view (without risking a fall from the edge)

king

around me space
everything and empty
earthly heaven is far away
I am nothing
of everything that is defenceless
the start of everything with value
but don't call me Sam
because I am the king of nothingness

motivation

I was not quite motivated to go to the Harz. The plan was to cycle to the highest mountain in north west Europe. This mountain, the Brocken, has a height of 1,142 meter. Lack of motivation makes achieving this plan more difficult.

Yesterday I read about Faust as part of the story written by Goethe. It's the part when Mephistopheles leads Faust through the Harz near Schierke, a village on foot of the Brocken. The village and the mountain were my destination.
I told C., my neighbour, that I read about my destination where I would go to on bike.
She understood immediately that the book was the motivation to go to the Brocken for another time.
I must admit that is a motivation for the next time.

Is it by accident that the not made vacation destination, occurs in a book I didn't plan to read?
No, it gives me the motivation to try it another time.
Is it by accident people fall in love? I can't help.

Today I had to go to my former colleagues. It's a heavy load and that's why I am so positive and happy when I'm there. When I sat there and spoke to someone I suddenly heard the loud voice of E. saying hello to me. Disturbed I watched her and said hello. I did my work and said goodbye when I was ready.

At my new workplace I had much to do and I got a call from E. All work related. She asked me if the payment to a big creditor was made yet. She asked if I could help her with the info. I said I would do anything for her.
She said more or less that she doesn't like me saying that. I was a bit puzzled.

Later I spoke her again after providing her with the information she wanted I asked her what she meant. Rhetorical she said that I knew. I admit I played a game from the book. And E. reacted as I expected. Probably she is more clever than I am. In her vocabulaire no means no.

In Dostojewski's the player the main character likes Pauline Alexandrowna. Her name is mentioned on the first page. On page 40 he reminds her that he's her slave and that on an occasion she could have said one word and he would have jumped into the ravine of the Schlangenberg. He would do anything for her. My guess is that because Pauline didn't say that one word he could stay and love her. She knew that he loved her. Maybe that is what she likes; to be loved.

Probably E. likes people and people like here. But don't go to far. Because then E. can/should/would and will act accordingly. There is a thin line which I shouldn't cross and I know it.

design

I changed my blog a little. It looks more professional.
The advantage is that the blog is easier to maintain. I can add gadgets which I have to experience.
The first mistake I made was that I forgot my counter. I lost the 5,436 visitors since July 20 2004. Who cares. A chance to reinvent, make it better and have more fun.

The blogosphere could be a form of Intelligent Design (ID). :)
Bloggers make their stories, write about something or collect from the Internet and the designer creates a gimmick to create even better blogs. Step by step it will be more intelligent. I bet in a few years it will be possible to use apps on your cellphone to write a blog without writing but only giving the content of personal interest. A blog feeder does the work. The same as with news-feeds now on the blogs.

What's the use of it, you might ask. Ask yourself why people write. I mainly write to synchronize and analyse my life. It is very therapeutic.